Christmas can typically be a tricky period for anyone grieving, and brings with it a set of expectations and emotions that many find overwhelming. It’s no different for those living with the grief of sight loss. There are lots of aspects that make the time of year difficult: there’s the expectation of almost constant frivolity and good cheer; additional time spent with friends and family or conversely, more time than usual spent alone; and a seemingly endless list of jobs and chores to be chalked off before the ‘big day’ arrives.
Pubs and shops are generally busier, which could make it harder to get around safely, and you may find you’re expected to socialise with people you don’t see often, which means having to ‘explain’ your sight loss and any changes that have occurred, which can be exhausting.
Especially where sight loss has occurred recently or gradually, there can be a strong element of mourning for the things you were previously able to do more easily at this time of year, for example decorating the tree or enjoying fireworks. It’s important to acknowledge those grief feelings and let yourself feel them. If you can talk about them with an understanding friend, so much the better. It’s also important, where possible, to remain flexible about how you spend the holiday season, especially if you’re not sure how you’re going to feel. Having time and space to retreat if you need it can really help your wellbeing. In terms of the to-do list, can you maybe drop some traditions (or jobs!) that are less important to you now, and minimise the pressure that way? Similarly, perhaps you can introduce new Christmas rituals that make the season special in a way that’s meaningful for you.
Big days generally are difficult in grief; anniversaries and milestone life events raise a memory of what used to be, or a sadness or even anger about what might have been different. At Christmas in particular, we’re surrounded by messages of perfection, from the perfect loving family to the perfect Christmas meal, decorations, party outfit, and on and on. This leads to that insidious word ‘should’, which came up in discussion in our recent Eyematter zoom meeting. You may hear yourself saying that you should fulfil a certain obligation because it’s Christmas, but ask yourself: who says? Where does the ‘should’ really come from – your own values, or someone else’s? Could it be a societal expectation that doesn’t actually meet your needs? If you could remove all the shoulds, how would you really like to spend Christmas?
Of course around this time, we naturally find ourselves reflecting on the year that has passed. Emerging from Christmas, a new year approaches and you might want to consider some things you want to achieve or engage in in 2025. In our Monday zoom group, it was lovely to hear members talk about putting their own needs first a little more, and moving forward in a positive way with a focus on what they can do rather than what they can’t. There was lots of commitment to more engagement, connection and self-care in 2025. Eyematter is a great place to find those things.
Whether and however you celebrate Christmas, I wish you all a peaceful and restorative winter holiday, and look forward to connecting again in the new year.
Take good care, JW