When experiencing loss, one of the processes to go through is working out, ‘Who am I?’ in this new world. Just as a newly bereaved person who has lost a partner finds themselves suddenly called ‘a widow’, and has to figure out what that means to them, you may have been given labels relating to your loss, not all of which will have been welcome. Perhaps you acquired the label ‘blind’ or ‘visually impaired’ or ‘severely sight impaired’ suddenly, or over time, or perhaps there has been a label you have carried since birth.
Labels are not always unhelpful, but they can have a huge impact on how we think and behave, on how we are treated, and even on how successful or otherwise we might be in life. The so-called ‘Pygmalion’ and ‘Golem’ effects were first tested in education settings, where it was found that where the teacher had high expectations of a student, the student rose to that expectation; conversely where the expectation was low, the student’s performance dropped. This is highly relevant to anyone living with a disability, as the ‘soft bigotry of low expectations’ (a phrase coined by George W Bush’s government in the 2000s) in a society that undervalues anyone presenting with a difference leads to an internal narrative of low self-worth, and subsequently limited achievement.
In our recent zoom meeting, Eye Matter members shared some of the labels they have been given over the years, how they have been helpful or otherwise, and how in some cases they have achieved ownership of the label ‘blind’ in a way that felt empowering. Others felt that ‘blind’ was not a label they were able to accept, and that it felt like a loss of their old identity, and an indicator of everything they could no longer do, which was still too painful to acknowledge.
Most were in agreement, however, that whatever the label, it only represents a small part of who they are as a complex and whole individual.
We discussed how the messages we give to ourselves, as well as those we hear from others and society at large, can have a massive effect, for better or worse. From the small but cheerful impact of someone calling you ‘lovely’, to the subtle shift in self-perception from ‘I am trying to survive’ to the more accurate ‘I am surviving’, language really matters.
You can choose which labels to adopt and which to reject. However, this can be very difficult, especially when we hear an unhelpful label repeated, perhaps over many years. One way to ‘balance out’ the negative effects of limiting labels is to practise daily affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements about yourself which, when repeated regularly, form new neural pathways in the brain which improve your self-image and confidence. They are best expressed in the present tense (for example ‘I am capable and confident’ rather than ‘I would like to be’ or ‘I will be’) and out loud, so that your brain hears and absorbs the message.
You are a survivor. Be your own champion – emphasise the positive – and take care, until next time.
JW