This week I’m reflecting on depression, or low mood, as a feature of grief.
After a loss of any kind, depression is perhaps the response we most expect: a persistent state of being which is characterised by despondency, perhaps tearfulness, and sadness that can often feel overwhelming. Very often this sadness is seen as a problem to be fixed, and while it can be of course highly distressing, in fact it is a natural response to loss or trauma.
Some situational depression, or low mood, can of course lift once time passes or the situation changes; it’s usually a bit more complex when it’s related to sight loss.
Just as with a bereavement, because the change is irreversible, the chances are the spells of low mood may stay around long term, perhaps even ambushing you at unexpected times, although hopefully they may become less frequent and / or intense as you learn coping strategies.
In our recent zoom session, participants shared their individual experiences of low mood. For some people, depression, anxiety, or other mental health struggles were sadly features of their life before sight loss; for others, the onset of visual impairment either prompted or exacerbated the experience of low mood. Some group members found it took years or even decades to turn a corner, in one case described as getting ‘fed up of being fed up’.
We found that acknowledgement is key, followed by self-compassion. This is in stark contrast to common responses to depression like avoidance, denial, or even shame. In practice this manifests in our internal narrative. So instead of hearing yourself think, ‘I’m ok, there’s nothing wrong with me,’ ‘If I ignore these feelings, they’ll go away,’ or even, ‘I shouldn’t be feeling like this,’ try telling yourself the following:
‘What I’ve experienced has been really difficult / traumatic for me.’
‘It’s natural to feel really sad about everything I’ve lost.’
‘It’s ok not to feel ok.’
While there’s a level of relief that comes with acknowledging your pain in this way, naturally nobody wants to sit in that pain long-term. So what helps?
For some people, talking therapy or even medication may ease the symptoms of depression; if you’ve suffered persistent low mood or a sense of hopelessness for two weeks or more, it is definitely worth checking in with your GP.
However, in very many cases, engaging in things that (a) combat the loneliness that comes with depression and (b) enhance your sense of identity and individuality, can provide pockets of mood-boosting enjoyment that work to offset the down days.
Examples include seeking opportunities for social connection; when mixing with sighted people, this might involve educating others regarding your needs and doing a bit of ‘prep’ ahead of events – even though this can feel exhausting, it can help ease social anxiety and enhance your enjoyment in the long run. Being part of a charity like Eye Matter obviously brings with it a huge sense of community and belonging, sharing experiences with others who have greater empathy for your situation.
Any activity that enhances your sense of yourself as an individual is also key to lifting your mood. This is quite simply about doing things that bring you joy, satisfaction, and empowerment, from having your nails done, to creating something, to discovering new apps that help you get around and explore the world safely and independently.
I hope this reassures you that you’re not alone, and that there are ways to move through and out of the fog of grief-related depression. Take care, until next time.
JW