While experiencing any kind of grief, we know that emotional support is key to maintaining wellbeing. Often this comes from close friends and family, but recent research has found that comfort can also be found in so-called ‘weak ties’ and regular interactions with less familiar people.
The tie might be with the person you pass every day in the park and say ‘hello’ to. It could be your postman or hairdresser or bus driver, or someone you meet randomly, have a one-off conversation with then never come across again. These are just everyday moments of simple human contact.
So why and how can these seemingly minor connections can support you with the grief of sight loss?
A common feature of grief is a sense of disconnectedness, from yourself, from the world at large, and also often from the very people closest to you. This can lead to deep feelings of loneliness and isolation. Sometimes the usually strong ties, like family, are the very people who don’t seem to ‘get it’, who seem impatient with you or tell you to ‘move on’. Grief makes us sensitive, and familiarity can make people a little careless, a little less kind. A stranger might be less likely to say something that pushes your buttons when you’re having a bad day.
So-called weak ties restore a sense of connection without the expectations that come with close relationships. Research has also found that people adapting to illness or disability reported feeling less self-conscious in these interactions, less vulnerable to judgement than with people who have known them for a long time. So weak ties can build confidence and bolster self-esteem. There are practical benefits, too: you may also find those casual acquaintances can provide a new insight, or introduce you to a new network or technology which proves to be helpful in the future.
In this week’s zoom meeting, Eyematter members shared their own experiences in this area, including going out with the white cane and saying hello to everyone, the vast majority of times being met with chat and kindness. Making or receiving a phone call, joining a social group or taking a solo trip to the theatre or similar venue, where people are likely to share interests and therefore be open to a little interaction, were all mentioned as examples of where and when these ‘weak ties’ (also known as ‘soft connections’) might occur.
As we’ve discussed before in our group, the key to fostering helpful relationships that help with good mental health is often confidence. This can be hard to come by and only improves with practice. Smiling and saying hello to complete strangers feels like a risk, so take it slowly. Start with people you see regularly, like neighbours. Visit the same places at similar times of day, if it’s practical.
Remember too that the chances are those small interactions you’re having are helping not just you, but the other person as well. Loneliness is endemic in our society and most people benefit from a quick, no strings, friendly chat. Most of us feel good when we’re helping someone else.
It seems to me there’s nothing ‘weak’ about that at all.
Take care until next time, JW