Comfort is a basic human need right from infancy. We all desire comfort at different levels throughout life, and we tend to seek it out even more during times of pain and uncertainty.
When experiencing the grief of sight loss, it’s natural to want to retreat into a comfort zone – doing what feels safe. Self-soothing is an important feature of grief (and of course as a VI person your safety is essential). Usually, indulging in things that bring comfort is a positive thing, whether that’s cuddles with your pet, enjoying your favourite food, or curling up with a podcast or audiobook. Sometimes comfort can be found chatting with a good friend, or someone in a similar situation to yourself, especially when things are tough and you need to feel you’re not alone.
On the other hand, pushing through a bit of discomfort can also bring rewards. We spoke about avoidance a few weeks ago, and it’s important to be sure the comfort zone is not becoming the avoidance zone. Are you self-soothing, or hiding? Is staying comfortable holding you back from trying new things or engaging with experiences you might enjoy?
In our recent zoom meeting, Eyematter members shared what comfort means to them, how it helps to have a comfort zone, and what it’s like to step outside it. Many people said, understandably, their home is a place of comfort – they know where everything is, they have the things they need around them – and it’s a place to feel safe in and to retreat to and recharge after taking on a challenge elsewhere.
Home isn’t like that for everyone, of course. Especially for those for whom their sight loss is a relatively recent development, being with friends and family can actually bring discomfort at times, especially if you’re masking, or protecting other people’s feelings, or struggling to communicate your changed needs, whereas spending time within the VI community feels more comfortable.
Members talked about how changes that at first seemed scary, like getting a guide dog or starting white cane training, have been transformational. The phrase ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ came up a few times, and can be a powerful mantra, when accompanied by the caveat, ‘but do it safely’!
Everyone is different and only you can decide what your comfort zone means to you, and where the boundary is between comfort and challenge. One person’s walk to the corner is another person’s mountain. Someone in this week’s meeting coined the phrase ‘expand the zones’, and I like this because the expansion can happen at any rate, and in your own time. The sense of achievement when you push at that boundary, though, can be huge.
And after that, remember, there’s still always pyjamas and ice cream.
Stay safe and take care until next time, JW