Last time, we discussed defence mechanisms and it’s fair to say that when going through grief, or any major source of distress, humour can be one of the most surprising but is one that’s commonly used.
We can probably all think of a time we’ve made a joke or found something funny at a seemingly inappropriate moment, and this is actually a really healthy response to stress (providing of course you’re not hurting or offending somebody else). There are a few things that happen physiologically when we laugh. First, you increase your intake of oxygen – good for the heart and brain. Laughter causes your muscles to relax, which in turn eases tension. We also release dopamine and serotonin, the brain’s happy hormones. Having a laugh with other people can increase these positive effects even further, as you gain that all-important sense of connection and community which is so great for wellbeing.
In a type of therapy called CFT (compassion-focused therapy), practitioners suggest that there are three emotional systems: threat (for self-protection), drive (for motivation), and soothing (for contentment and safety). Humour is a key mechanism for self-soothing, and dialling up the ‘soothing system’ helps to dial down the ‘threat system’, which brings with it negative emotions like fear and anger, and can be especially prevalent when grieving.
Sometimes, of course, it’s not easy to find the humour in a situation, especially one as serious as sight loss. It’s okay to acknowledge that that might not be where you are right now, but many people report that although there was a time they felt they might never smile, laugh, or enjoy life again, in time that did change (though they never would have believed it when they were at their low point). And even if you are having a really tough time, with laughter as therapy there is an element of ‘fake it until you make it’. Your subconscious mind notices your laughter and concludes that you’re happy and relaxed, causing those states to come about for real even if that’s not what you were initially feeling at all.
In our zoom call this week, Eyematter members talked about how beneficial it is to be among other visually impaired people with whom they can share experiences relating to sight loss that are absurd, embarrassing or funny. It might be laughing at aspects of the sighted world or at themselves, but either way it’s cathartic to be in a non-judgmental space where there is a sense that “it’s not just me”. Many participants had a funny story to share (plus a couple of jokes), and it struck me that to invite laughter, or even to laugh at yourself, requires a willingness to be vulnerable. Vulnerability, in turn, takes courage, but brings its own rewards.
If you are looking for ways to bring more humour into your life, try one of these:
- Revisit an old comedy show you enjoyed
- Chat with a friend who makes you laugh
- Smile more! (Remember, fake it to make it)
- Make time for fun activities, especially ones that require trying something new
- Try out ‘laughter yoga’
- Hang out with young children or pets
And of course, you could come along to one of our zoom calls! Although we discuss serious subjects relating to grief, we do a lot of smiling and laughing, too.
Hope to see you there, JW