This week’s theme is adaptation, a common but perhaps not widely talked about stage of grief. Someone who has experienced a loss must of course spend time reflecting on what was lost, but will also come to a point where they can focus on what remains and on making necessary adjustments to this ‘new world’ – a world where nothing is the same as it was.
In the context of sight loss, these adjustments might fall into three main categories:
- Practical – adapting to doing everything differently than before; perhaps embracing new technologies or accepting outside help.
- Emotional – this may even include a new sense of self; figuring out ‘who am I?’ in this new world.
- Social – adapting to others’ changing perceptions of you and the challenges of interacting socially.
It was a theme which encouraged a lot of sharing at this week’s zoom meeting where, as always, the contributions of all members were hugely valuable. From the practical point of view, there was widespread consensus that touch typing, white cane training and learning to use the iPhone were all game changers, acting as conduits to greater opportunities and experience.
Emotionally speaking, especially where sight loss is gradual and requires almost constant adaptation, there was recognition in the group that this can be exhausting. One member shared how, on diagnosis of his sight condition, he was advised that the experience would be a kind of bereavement. And just as with a bereavement, emotions don’t come up in a predictable, linear way. You may feel you are cycling between hope and despair, confusion and clarity, from one day to the next, and this is quite normal. This is part of the process of ‘relearning the world’.
We often hear talk of ‘acceptance’ as the end goal when it comes to loss but perhaps it is more realistic, and kinder to ourselves, to think of this grief journey as a gradual and ongoing process of adaptation, rather than a road to full acceptance, which is a concept that can seem daunting or even impossible for many.
Adaptation requires resilience – that alchemical blend of strength and flexibility. On more difficult days, resilience can be elusive, but there are ways to cultivate it.
Think about your best, most resilient self, and consider three questions: “Where am I when I am at my most resilient?” Place can have an enormous impact on wellbeing. Do you feel strongest at home, or out in nature, for example? “Who am I with when I am most resilient?” Spend time with those people who support and empower you, not the ‘mood hoovers’ who drain your energy. Finally, “What am I doing when I am most resilient?” Collate a personal list of the activities that help you feel at your best, and ideally that help you expel any negative or draining emotions. For many people this includes regular exercise, talking with others who understand your situation, and doing something creative.
Stay kind to yourselves and take care, until next time.
JW